Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Dating 101... stupid boys...

Being back in the dating world has been... interesting. I'm becoming an expert and plan to hold a conference when I return to my home planet as there is no way I can be the same species as these guys.
Behold some shiny examples of what not to do/talk about/wear on a first date:

1. Don't talk about your medical problems. We don't want to know that you are hooked up to a machine every night so that you don't die in your sleep. First impressions are important and this isn't a good one.
2. Don't talk endlessly about your ex's. I'm sure they were all horrible bitches and it had nothing to do with you as you are obviously quite a catch.
3. You gave your kid a horrible name... don't get pissed when a person laughs at the name that you picked. Come on... Hunnie May? That's funny.
4. Lying, don't bother. Most people are not practicing liars so you can assume that you aren't pulling it off.
5. If you ask the girl out, assume you will pay. Don't then ask for money half way through the date. If the girl wants to contribute - she will - but don't under any circumstances ask, so how much do you want to pay? This will not go over well.
6. When it's agreed that it will a casual date don't then show up in a suit and have a 18 or whatever it was course meal. Casual means casual... drinks, pool... fun.
7. Spare us the cheesy lines like what do you want for breakfast? Or, (and I swear a guy said this to me) I can't wait for you to look at me with those big brown eyes and tell me I'm the love of your life.
Oh my god. If a girl is laughing at you, that's really bad. The key to a good date is to have fun. No heavy conversations, no high expectations that no one can live up to, and for the love of god...
all first dates should include alcohol.
Oh and flowers are always a hit.


Violence Worker said...

Hey, with the price of a drink almost equaling the cost of the meal, A drink might have to wait until there's more of a commitment! ;)


Cop The Truth said...

Well keep looking, I'm sure your dream guy is out there somewhere!

Sues said...

LMAO! those were all hilarious!